Monday, October 13, 2014

Nothing Says Love Like A Colostomy Bag...

Hi Girls-
Catchy title, eh?  Well, nothing like the truth on a Monday morning.  This is the 2nd part of my dating post that I gave a little teaser to in my Confessional post on Friday.  And girls, if anything, this should give you a great chuckle for the rest of the week. 
In order to provide anonymity and protection for the nutso guys that are participating in online dating, I have not provided their real names or complete pictures of their photos although I really feel it is my duty to make sure any other single gal doesn't get mixed up with these fellas.  I've done online dating for several years now--obviously the fact that I'm still single shows you that I definitely have not met the love of my life on any of the sites that I've been on which included, eHarmony & Christian Mingle.  My latest adventure was on Christian Mingle and to be perfectly honest, I have found that regardless of the site, the men are all the same on it--it really doesn't matter if there is a religious affiliation at all. 
So let's get into it.  I only actually met one guy but talked to half a dozen or more before deciding that I really wasn't interested actually seeing them in person. 
Guy #1:  The guy I actually went out with actually seemed to be someone that I could see myself being with---he was established, my age, had two children and lived about 10 minutes away from me.  He was not my type at all, shorter than someone I would normally go out with but we really hit it off on our first date which lasted about 4 hours and ended with a few good night kisses when he walked me to my car.  We talked and texted everyday for about two weeks as I was traveling for work and he was on vacation so our next actual date didn't take place right away.  Regardless, during our conversations, we talked about love in general, religion, our church (to which he actually invited me to go with him), etc.  Everything seemed to be heading in the right direction.  Well, on our second date, I actually allowed him to come to my home to pick me up--safety first girls and I felt comfortable enough to allow him to collect me from my home since we had talked for as long as we had.  Anywhoodle, after dinner and drinks, we came back to my house to hang out and watch a movie.  Movie turned into a Rated PG make out sesh but it was getting late and it was a work night so I asked to reconvene our date on another night.  His reply, "what, are we not going to have sex?"  Uhmmm--let me think about it, no!  I told him that I didn't have sex on a second date and while I don't consider myself to have many strict rules in dating, that is one of them.  His reply to this was, "well, technically, it's after midnight so it is another date so it's ok."  Seriously?  First of all, I didn't establish if sex was even allowed on a 3rd date, which BTW it isn't, but how presumptuous for him to think that it was a given.  Long story short, we never spoke again. 
Guy #2: Guy #2 came right on the tail end of Guy #1.  Right off the bat, he was uber complimentary which made made uber uncomfortable.  Saying things like "the mirror must cry every time you leave the house because you are stunning" and "what do you sell because if you sell sweet beautiful kind loving hearts, you must be a millionaire" and "the eyes are the way to a person's heart and yours are breath taking".  Girls, I can't make this stuff up!  Oh and this apparently is called "love bombing" which I had never heard of before.  But after I told him to bring it down a notch he did.  He seemed like a good guy--very humble, down to Earth, super simple.  Again, very much unlike someone I would be normally attracted to.  He also had a child but gave me too much insight into a messy divorce (really guys, sometimes less is more).  The first week we started talking, he had his daughter so we weren't able to meet up right away.  I was traveling for my job the second week so we made plans to get together that weekend.  We talked and texted all week leading up to our date.  Well, that Saturday, I sent him a text asking what time we would be meeting up as I knew he was working that day.  He responding saying that he wasn't sure he was actually going to be able to go out but would let me know by noon that day.  Noon came, 1 came, 2 came and finally at 3 he sent me a message saying that he was sorry but that he was going to have to work later than he had planned and wouldn't be able to meet.  Although I was frustrated, I said "ok, fine, no biggie".  I had thought he would have responded to set up another date but nothing--never heard from him again.  Hmm...
Guy #3: This is interesting and has actually had a turn of events since I initially talked to him over 3 weeks ago.  Stay tuned for Bachelor #3--some riveting new details have emerged and I'm not ready to share them just yet in an effort not to jinx myself, lol. 
So, that's my adventure in dating over the last couple of months.  But to leave y'all with something funny, below are some of the men that didn't make the cut that reached out to me--I'm sure y'all will understand why.   
You have to click on this picture to be able to read what this man's introduction to himself says.  Now ladies, I am all about honesty and being open.  I've met men before that don't look anything like their photos and also some that downright lied about what they put in their profile but this guy gives need meaning to "what you see is what you get".
OK, this is just a few of the pics that I decided to show you ladies.  If you are single and on any dating sites, you know what I mean.  If you are married or with someone, consider yourself lucky that you don't have to go through any of this.  Here's my caption for each of these photos going from top to bottom, left to right.  Picture #1, note to self--if you are on a dating site, please post a picture that doesn't show you with a wedding ring on your finger.  Picture #2 & #3 go together--this man's profile says he rarely drinks but the first photo he has is one with a beer.  Now, let me say that I do love wine and beer but that's also why I say I'm an occasional drinker in my profile. Picture #4--not sure you can tell it but this "easy going" gentleman's photo is one in which has chewing tobacco bulging from his bottom lip.  Come on now!!!!  Picture #5--I love a sharp dressed man but this is very reminiscent of Jim Carey's character in "The Mask".  Picture #7 and #8 is only profile names---now I'm not super picky (ok, that's a lie) but any guy's profile that has the word "killer" in it is obviously not for me and although I respect a man who is widowed getting back out in the dating world, perhaps "HandomeWidow" should not be your profile name. 

Hope you enjoyed this post ladies!  This was really fun to write!