Tuesday, January 27, 2015

The Sweater

Hi Girls-

Happy Tuesday!  Now that you have Monday under your belt, here's to hoping the rest of the week goes splendidly well for y'all. With my cancelled trip for today, it fortunately opened up my schedule and allowed me to get caught up on a number of things, including blogging.  I had a sweet girlfriend send me an email Sunday night with the word "Amazing" in the subject line.  She said she loved my blog and how it was "so me."  I thought it was so sweet of her to send me that and it also recharged my desire to blog more consistently...but only because I want to, not because I just wanted to put words out there on the world wide web.  So thank you Cathy for your kind words.  Gals, you must check out her blog here.  And also marvel in her incredible photography--she is amaze-balls!  One of my 36 Things to do is to have my picture taken by a professional and when I'm ready, this beautiful lady will definitely be my go-to. 

OK, back to the blog at hand :)  Today is going to be one of those more emotional posts for me.  But this is the reason why I set out on this blogging adventure--get those feelings out that I don't speak about very often.  I had the best, most amazing, fantastic, Godly man that I was lucky enough to call my Daddy for 17 years of my life.  I've written about him before and honestly my heart is beating all crazy time right now and my anxiety level has peaked just writing this because February is a difficult month for me.  It is the month that not only celebrates his birthday but is also a reminder of the month that I lost him. 

I'm one of those people who throw away everything.  I don't like clutter and it's just easier for me to toss it without even giving it a second glance.  When I moved back to NC from MD, I actually had 2 boxes that didn't even get opened when I moved to MD initially---I didn't even open it up when I got back home to find out what was in it.  Both boxes went to the garbage--I figured if I hadn't seen it or needed it in the year that I was gone then I didn't need to know.  Anywhoodle, I don't want to get sidetracked but my sister and I are the complete opposites when it comes to getting rid of stuff.  She's just like my mom in that she likes things and the memories that go with those things.  I stick more with the memories.  That is until, she was cleaning out some things from my parents house and ran across "the sweater". 

Now don't let me fool you in thinking my dad was the Giorgio Armani of his days.  He definitely wasn't the most fashion conscious guy out there, nor did he care to be.  I remember the embarrassing moments every Summer at the beach in his white swim trunks and tube top socks or his polyester pants and polos that he wore often to his office.  BUT he did have several things that when I think back to my short time with him I have distinct memories of him wearing or having in his possession--one was that he always had a handkerchief on him, he always dressed up for church in his Sunday best, I remember his dress shoes with the tassles and the shoe horns that he kept in them and I remember two sweaters--a yellow one and a blue one.  I have a photo of him in the yellow one and I know one exists in the blue but I have yet to find it. When my sister gave me the sweater, it sat in my foyer for two weeks before I picked it up again but on a Sunday a few weeks ago, I wore it to church.  And I was overcome with emotions for the first time in a long time.  I wasn't sure if it was because I hadn't allowed myself to think about him much or that I felt closer to him just by having the sweater on or that February was quickly approaching but I cried--A LOT.  I called my sister and told her I was having a breakdown--she knew I would be ok after I let it out for a few minutes and that I would move on like I always do and I did.  But this time was different, I had a piece of him that I wanted--not just a memory or a picture but something that I vividly remember him putting on and wearing and hugging me in it.  I remember how strong and big he was, what a perfect father he was and how I knew that all my problems would melt away when he wrapped his arms around me.  And I smiled! 

So, here's to memories of my father,"the sweater" and the love that I will always have for him!