Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Let's Talk Tuesday---The Single Life

Hi Girls-

Happy Tuesday!  I'm writing this while watching the ice melt from a very disappointing #SNOMG2015.  NC doesn't get a lot of snow so I was actually looking forward to some fluffy fun (mind you that only lasted a day) but that didn't occur.  I'm not complaining as long as my flight to sunny FL doesn't get delayed or cancelled for tomorrow morning. 

I had planned on writing something completely different today but scrapped it for a more raw, real and emotional post.  If you are looking for something a little more lighthearted, today's post may be one to skip.  Just keepin' it real for y'all.  No pictures, no funny quips, no one-liners---just a real girl writing about real feelings.  I've talked about being single a number of times on my blog.  I've also managed to use humor to mask some of the real pain that comes with being single in your 30's, like when I wrote about my trials and tribulations with online dating.  Some of my most favorite blogs today linked up with another one of my favorite blogs about "How you met your mate, got engaged, etc."  Well, obviously, that is not one that I can participate in so I was actually going to write about some recipes BUT in doing a little soul searching, I said no, I'm going to write about what's really on my heart--the single life.

Last week, Kelly's Korner did her annual Singles Day.  I've never participated before, partly because I didn't want to have to submit something about myself for myself and also because I didn't want the whole world to know I'm single---even though everyone knows anyway.  However, this year, she added a hashtag for folks to participate on Instagram so...that's what I did.  Although nothing has come out of this yet, a wonderful gal, by the name of Allison Flexer, made a post praying for all participants.  She is the incredibly talented author of Truth, Lies and the Single Woman:  Dispelling 10 Common Myths.  Check out her blog here.  In the post, it showed a copy of her book as well as a brief description which reads "...Allison Flexer gives practical steps for letting go of the lies that destroy the joy and confidence of unmarried women.  Replace lies with God's truth, embrace your true value, and gain a deeper understanding of God's character."  I'm an avid reader and read just about everything so I thought, "Why not?, What's the worse thing that can come out of this?  Wasted time--I waste time everyday", so I logged into my Amazon Prime and downloaded it immediately.  Anyway, after a busy weekend, I finally settled down to start it last night and I couldn't put it down.  It spoke volumes to me (along with lots and lots of tears) and thus the reason I decided to make this post. 

I hate writing about being single.  I hate the negative connotation that comes along with being single in your 30's (or really any age for that matter).  I hate that people automatically assume that because I'm 36 and have never been married that something is apparently wrong with me.  I hate the look of pity in their eyes---feeling sorry for me because I have no one to call my own.  I hate that society has words for older women that, if I'm being completely honest, fear that I will one day be called:  spinster, prude, old maid, lone woman, etc.  But the reason I am writing about it today is not only for myself and a hopeful renewal that I am now working towards after reading Allison's book but also so that if any single woman who happens to come across my teeny tiny blog will also feel hope as well. 

I feel like my marital status often defines me.  Truth is, when you meet someone, they always ask the same general questions in getting to know you, "Where are you from?  What do you do?  Are you married?  Do you have kids?"  When I'm asked if I'm married, I always feel the need to explain why I'm not for some reason.  Like I'm some abnormality because I'm 36 and never been married.  Believe me, I know that I'm not the only person who is not married and in their 30's.  I know that---it still doesn't make it any easier but yes, I know that.  As Allison's book explains, it is easy for single women to believe we are not valuable and not worthy to be chosen, to feel convinced that we aren't beautiful or cherished or most importantly in my case to think that God has forgotten about us.  She likens the thought of being single to be the last one chosen in gym class when everyone is getting picked to play a game.  There you are, by yourself---waiting, praying, hoping, pleading that someone will call your name and pick you so you are not alone.  Although this never happened to me in school, I totally feel this way in my adult life. 

In Isaiah 41: 9-10, God says, "I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  I've read this scripture passage before but it never really dawned on me for some reason until after reading Allison's book---I am not alone.  God chose me first.  He made me in his image.  He knows what he is doing---I just have to listen and obey.  For many years, the only desire I have had is to meet someone who loves me unconditionally, to fall in love, get married, have children and live happily ever after.  What I failed to understand and practice is that God wants me to have a relationship with him FIRST and FOREMOST and that every subsequent need after that should be second.  My life will not miraculously get better if I find a mate.  I will never be shunned by my friends or my church for being single.  Allison reminded me that my ultimate love story will be the one that I have with God because there is no end to his affection for me. 

I'm not going to pretend in this blog that I'm anyone other than myself.  I'm not perfect.  I hate being vulnerable and emotional and laying it all out on the line like this but this is my blog and the reason I created it in the first place was to say all the things I've always wanted to say.  I've done things I'm not proud of in relationships.  I've been involved with people that were not good for me and I knew it all along but I just wanted a void to be filled and to feel loved.  I've dated men who were not followers of Christ and were vocal about it but again, they were a means to an end in feeling wanted.  I've blamed being single on working too much, devoting my time to my career, saying I was not desirable or not pretty enough or just not being ready but really it's because I just felt hopeless and had succumbed to the idea that no one will ever love me and that I'll always be by myself.  But I will have Hope---I am surrendering to him and laying it all at his feet. He has not forsaken me or forgotten me.  He knows what my future is and I will leave it in his hands knowing that he will do what is best for me.  Will it be hard?  Yes.  Will I be frustrated?  Yes.  Will I be mad that it is not on my time schedule?  Yes.  But I know that he loves me, that he is fighting for me and that the depths of his love for me is unimaginable. 

If you read this far, thank you!  Thank you for listening to what is on my heart.  Also, thank you Allison Flexer for writing this book and for encouraging and reminding women of the one relationship that will never fail us!   





11 comments:

Rachel Julia said...

Jenny, this is a very brave and inspiring post! Thank you for sharing it. God has big things for you.
www.floralandfudge.blogspot.com

Jenny Morgan said...

Thank you for the kind words Rachel! I believe He has big things in store for me as well so I'm praying for an abundance of patience to be bestowed upon me while I wait 😉

Allison K. Flexer said...

Jenny, I love this SO much! I have been exactly in your shoes...your post brings back all of those feelings when I was 36 and single (by the way, God brought my now-husband into my life at 37 so look out!). I love that you got the message of the book and it sounds like God is really opening your heart to understand his love more deeply. I am praying for you and for your future husband. Thank you for sharing this!! Xo

Deena Simair said...

What a beautiful, raw and honest post. Everyone has their own story and there is nothing that makes one of us better than the other. You keep on keeping on, there is nothing wrong with you!

Jenny Morgan said...

Thank you Allison for the encouraging words and prayer! I love your book and so happy I found it!

Jenny Morgan said...

Thank you for the feedback and kind words! These kind of posts are tough to write but it can't all be flowers and unicorns everyday I suppose 😄

Megan said...

Great post! love your honesty!! My sister in law is going through this right now and is constantly beating herself up over being single..she always says something is wrong with her! It makes me so sad that she thinks this! I have been trying to find scripture everyday to send to her...... I found this on pinterest and sent it to her.... .My Life may not be going the way I PLANNED IT, but it is going EXACTLY the way GOD planned it!
I thought this was great for everyone! ;)

Jenny Morgan said...

Noelle, thanks for reading and your feedback. I will definitely check Mandy Hale--thanks for the suggestion :) Hope you have a great week and I'll be praying for you in dealing with what I'm sure are some of the same thoughts I have :)

Jenny Morgan said...

I don't know how I missed replying to you on this but thank you for the feedback! And I love the quote that you gave your S-I-L!!! It's so very true! I will put her in my prayers as I know how she is feeling.

Katie Mitchell said...

Can we be friends?!? Great post!! I too am 35 and single. I am ok with this right now (the name of my blog is The Mishaps and Mayhem of a Solitary Life...HA!) but I one day do hope to find someone to love and who loves me for ME! I am definitely going to check out that book!!

Jenny Morgan said...

Hi Katie--uh, yeah girl we can be friends! Thank you for reading and commenting on this particular post. I just read your post on "You might live a solitary life if..." and after laughing out loud for like forever I totally think we might be soul sisters. I can identify with just about everyone of them. And the book really is fantastic--I totally suggest you reading it. Can't wait to read more on your life 😉