Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Am I living the life He wants me to?

Hi Girls-

I've felt convicted lately!  Boy, what a way to start out a blog post but I have been and it has been weighing so heavily on my heart and soul recently that I figured what better way to let it all out than on this here blog.  In fact, it's easier for me to write these types of feelings out because I get very uncomfortable having "feeling" conversations with just about anybody.  My typical "way" of dealing with pretty much everything that's not going according to my plan is to push it down.  This usually results in a negative way and leads to an argument or someone's (typically mine or someone close to me) feelings being hurt.  I've just felt lately that I'm not living my life according to how He intends me to live--whether that be through how I witness to others, the company I keep, the thoughts in my head, the money I spend, the food/drink I put in the body he gave me, etc.  Am I honoring Him in all that I do?

Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  There are tons of other scriptures that speak to those who feel burdened:  Romans 3:23, John 14:6, 1 Peter 5:7 and Philippians 4:19 are just a few.  As a Christian, I know that when I feel anxiety and burden I should give it to God.  But lately I've been feeling like a fair weather Christian and not only does it hurt me that I feel this way but it hurts me because I know that He sees it too and is disappointed in me.  I have such wonderful Christian minded friends in my life, belong to a church that only wants me to grow, have become involved in a beautiful Life Group with ladies who only want to encourage me in my spiritual walk but lately I have been feeling a bit lost.  But I'm embarrassed and prideful by this and don't tell any of the people in my life who I know would help me through this time and encourage me to turn to God.  And I know it's my fault!  Life always gets busy and the first thing I seem to do is neglect my spiritual relationship.  I have no one but myself to blame for not spending daily time in prayer and doing my devotions.  I have no one but myself to blame for not going to Him when I have problems that I need help sorting out.  I have no one but myself to blame for feeling lost and not turning to the only person who I know can remedy this.  I have no one but myself to blame when I put Christ on the back burner when I feel so overloaded and overwhelmed and feel that I can't get everything done that I need to on a daily basis.

Being a fair weather Christian is tough for people to talk about, even worse to admit it.  But it's a real feeling folks and I know I'm not the only person who has ever felt that way.  I'll admit that I'm the first person that when things hit rock bottom (or what I consider rock bottom), I will drop to my knees and pray.  Mostly, when this happens, I'm asking for forgiveness for not going to Him when things are going great in my life and asking him to still love me in spite of all the things I've done wrong and not feeling worthy of his love.  The below picture popped up on my FB feed a few weeks ago and I saved it because I know how true it is and at the time had no intention of writing this post even though I probably should have. 

It seems so simple right?   Yet, I struggle so much to do it and not only go to him when things are bad but also to acknowledge and give him praise when things are good.
Y'all, I know this post is not my typical happy-go-lucky type of post.  This is hard to write because it involved me admitting that I've not been a very good Christian lately but I'm so thankful that I serve a forgiving God who loves me and died for my sins and transgressions. 
If you read this far down, thank you so very much!  Thank you for allowing me to speak my heart and my mind and for admitting that I'm not perfect.  


Katie Mitchell said...

Love this post Jenny. God is always with you...don't be discouraged friend!! Love the quotes! Have a great day!!

Megan said...

Wonderful job my friend! It is very hard to swallow how we act at times, and I think that is because we have a heart and mind that are Christ followers but a human flesh!! It just doesn't see eye to eye! It also does not help that we world we live in is constantly throwing things in our face...you need to watch this show..you need to be doing this... you need this to be happy, and so and so forth! but thank goodness we serve a merciful loving God!! Can you imagine if he didn't have grace and mercy??? scary! Have a great day..love ya!

Lana L. said...

I appreciate your honesty in sharing this today, because we all feel this way from time to time. I'm a very anxious person, and I've been trying very hard lately to give that anxiety up to God and trust his plan for me. Some days are better than others! The good news is, we're all a work in progress, and He sees into our heart and knows!

Jenny Morgan said...

Thank you Katie! I know he is always there--it just feels good sometimes to get it off your chest!

Jenny Morgan said...

Thank you my sweet friend! And yes girl, I am so glad the God I serve is grace and merciful--you're right, what if we didn't?!? Thank you for listening :)

Jenny Morgan said...

Thank you Lana! Being anxious is definitely a side of me that I'd love to give up---it's just so hard but you are right, I know I should trust his plan for me. I appreciate you being so supportive.

Kimm said...

Love this!!! Xoxo