Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Let's Talk Tuesday---Ten Thoughts...on Dating

Hi Girls-

Happy Tuesday Y'all!  I hope that Monday treated you well and you are now well on your way towards the weekend.  And I am one day closer to my long awaited beach vacation that begins on July 3rd. 

OK y'all, this is going to be a fun post!  Get ready to laugh---or to just think I'm completely crazy and understand why I'm still single.  So other than yesterday, I haven't talked about my most recent online dating experiences in much depth, other than telling you about a few of the select men (the Organist, the Cyclist, the Accountant, the Nurse and there's been an Engineer as well as a Salesman) that made it past the series of grammar testing, blood tests, credit checks, high jumps and 40 yard dashes.  LOL, just kidding!  I didn't do all of those but the grammar testing does occur on some level.  But for reals, this is a light hearted posts and for those who are married and never had to endure these types of shenanigans, consider yourself lucky.  Like, really, go kiss your husband right this very second---I'll wait!

OK, let's get into the skinny of this...if only "Control, Alt & Delete" actually made a man appear as quickly as "Bippity Boppity Boo" did for my dear Cinderella!  Hey, who's got a Fairy Godmother to loan out to me?!? :)

When I decided to sign up on Match just a wee bit over a month ago, I went into it hoping to have an open mind with no expectations.  No expectations = No Disappointments!  But let's get real ladies, I know me very well and that lasted, oh I don't know, about as long as a sleeve of Oreo's last in my presence.  Speaking of Oreo's, I saw this last week on IG and literally laughed out loud.  Can I get an Amen my sisters?
OK, sorry, lost my train of thought there...back to trying not to have expectations.  While I didn't put a total kabash on my expectations, I did decide that I would make an effort to have a broader sense of what I was looking for and not get hung up on the little things that really aren't all that important---like perfectly straight teeth or a college education or being at least 5'10" so that I could wear all my beautiful high heels and Summer wedges.  Again, reality hit me and I said to myself, "Self, it's ok that these things are important to you so let's just go with it."

This is total BS by the way...
Anywhoodle, in the past 30 days, I have gone on 9 first dates, 3 second dates and 2 third dates.  Not to mention the countless phone calls, texts, emails through the Match site and 4 dates that I cancelled that upon further review of their credentials, I decided that it really wouldn't be a good fit and a free cocktail wouldn't even make it better.  If this is a numbers game, I am totally increasing my odds of finding my "Mr. Right", right?!  With all that being said, I thought I would have a little fun with my thoughts on dating. 

Sooo, let's get into it.  Have y'all ever played the game "Would you rather...?"  If not, it's a game that goes something like this, "Would you rather spend a week at sea alone or a month in jail?" or "Would you rather have the super power to fly or have x-ray vision?"  Questions like that!  So, I thought it would be fun for me to do a Ten Thoughts on  answering questions of "Would I rather...?" as it pertains to dating.
  1. Would you rather accidentally burp while making out or fart while sitting on your date's lap?  First of all, I would die, like literally roll in a ball and crawl in a hole if either of these occurred because I'm a lady(and I'm Southern and that is a no-no) but I would totally rather burp while making out.  Although I've never had a burp occur, I have had a gut type tummy growl happen and I just went on sucking face trying to ignore it. 
  2. Would you rather go on a date with a great kisser who has a terrible personality or a bad kisser who has a great personality?  Now most of you might say that a bad kisser can be taught but I'm telling you ladies what, I think it's easier to change a personality.  I've found a 40 something year old man will have lesser of a bruised ego if you tell him his personality sucks vs. his kissing.  Kissing is a HUGE deal for me and girls, if it doesn't work the first time, it won't work after.  I should not have to squeegee my face after a make-out session---no matter how passionate it gets.

  3. Which embarrassing moment would I rather deal with: feeding my date a food he is allergic to or accidentally throwing up at the table?  Sorry dude, get your EpiPen ready--you are about to swell up like a blow fish.
  4. Would you rather your date have gigantic feet or tiny hands?  Totally going with gigantic feet...because I'm a big proponent of hand holding and that just wouldn't work for me if his hands are smaller than mine.  Bring it on over Big Foot!  Also, note to self, do not---I repeat DO NOT---google tiny hands and big feet.  No Bueno!

  5. Would you rather your date kiss like a lizard or be a great kisser who has a secret amphibian tail?  Um, totally a tail.  Have y'all seen Shallow Hal and Jason Alexander's little puppy dog tail?  I would call it Horace. 
  6. Would I rather have a rich douchebag boyfriend or a poor caring one?  I have a great job---I don't need your stinkin' money.
  7. Would I rather date a guy who is shorter than me or skinnier than me?  They make height extenders for men, right?  I can't not wear my heels.  Shallow Schmallow!
  8. Would I rather give up pizza for the rest of my life or find true love?  Hmmm, depends on what kind of pizza :)

  9. Would I rather vacation with Ryan Gosling for 24 hours in Death Valley or spend 24 days with Gilbert Godfried in Bora Bora?  Bring on the heat Ryan--those flying vultures don't mean nothing against your rock hard six pack (oh, and your obvious undying love and affection for me).  I'll take my chances with the birds!  And yes, I made my true love's pic just a bit bigger--you are welcome! ;)
  10. Would I rather have a guy who was my second choice in love for the rest of my life or be at my desired weight for the rest of my life?  I'll be honest, I had to think about this one for a few minutes.  But I'm totally going with the weight---I'm sure I can mold my third choice into something desirable too.
Alright gals, I hope you all got a good chuckle out of this today!  I had fun writing it and I think it all boils down to this picture right here...

Well, that's all folks!  At least for today y'all!  Come back tomorrow when I'm telling you what I've been up to!


Susan Courson said...

your crack me up! I needed a good laugh first thing this morning!! So thank you!!
Bless you for being in the dating world! and good luck to you!!
I thank God everyday for my hubby! things might not be perfect and he might drive me CRAZY 99.9% of the time, but he loves me and bless him he puts up with me and I love him too!! (most of the time) :)
- I Think your post is great for single gals looking for love! and I hope you find that toe curling, good looking kissing man soon!!

Jenny Morgan said...

LOL Susan! Glad I could give you a good chuckle! It's crazy the things that pop up in my head but honestly I'm not sure what I'd talk about on my blog if I wasn't dating---LOL! And I am so glad that you are not one of the girls in this crazy life and that you have a great hubs :) Thanks girl---I know my "Mr.Right" is out there---just have to sort through all the other ones to find him. Have a great Tuesday!

Laura said...

Loved this pos!! You had me at the first pic!! But that one with the belly button TOTALLY wigged me out! I can pretty much say that we have the same taste in men because I would have pretty much answered the same way! Thanks for making me (not Felicia) laugh today!! We've got to get together soon with some double stuffed oreos and cosmos!!

Jenny Morgan said...

LOL Steph! I didn't even think about that...but yes, so true!

Jenny Morgan said...

Thank you girl! It's crazy how these posts just seem to flow through my finger tips. I am one messed up gal--LOL! Aww, cosmos and double stuffed---heck yeah! Where do I sign up! And you are welcome---my intent is not to do anything to keep Felicia around any longer than she needs to be ;)

Deena Simair said...

bahahaha, best post ever.

Lana L. said...

So, so funny! I had to give serious thought to some of these questions...

Kimm said...

You're hilarious!!!!

Jenny Morgan said...

LOL, thanks Dee! The dating subject seems to never get old ;) And I always have something to talk about!

Jenny Morgan said...

LOL Lana, me too! Like really, especially the one about the scales.

Jenny Morgan said...

Thanks girl! It just kind of rolls off my tongue when I talk about this subject!