Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Let's Talk Tuesday...Ten Thoughts on What NOT to do on a First Date

Hi Girls-

Happy Tuesday Y'all...or as I call it, Happy One Day Closer to My Vacation on Friday!  Yeah Me!

Before I move on to today's post, I just want to preface it with this:  if you are tired of my dating posts, I am so sorry!  BUT these are some of the funniest times going on in my life right now and I just have to share them.  Plus, I've said it a couple of times before and I'll say it again---if you are a gal who has never had to endure this dating marathon, please, please for the love of all things glitter, go and kiss your man and tell him thank you!  You, my friend, dodged a bullet!

Alright girls, if you read my post last week and yesterday, you know that I've been quite busy getting my first date swag on.  I'm becoming a first date expert--kind of sad but it's true.  I've had 12 first dates over the past 45 days.  12!!!  Well, let this be a reminder that quantity never ever trumps quality.  I actually had some high hopes for 2 of the 3 dates that I went on but in the words of Steve Harvey from Family Feud..."SURVEY SAYS..."

OK, so in an attempt not to bore you gals with all the mundane details from my last round of dates, I thought I would mix things up a bit and give you my "Ten Thoughts on what NOT to do on a first date".   And these thoughts, my bloggy friends, are all based on what occurred on the 3 dates that I went on most recently.  Girls, this is completely subjective and is my opinion only so if some of these things are things that you like than so be it.  I'm just giving you my point of view because well, this is my blog and I can.
  1. Don't talk about your ex.  It doesn't matter what kind of an ex---ex wife, ex girlfriend, ex dog, ex roommate, ex boss even your ex trainer who scorned you by making you do so many push ups that you threw up.  It's your past and is really not appropriate to bring up on a date where first impressions mean everything.
  2. Speaking of exes...if you feel it necessary to talk about your ex on a first date, please don't bash her.  I don't care if she was the wicked witch of the West, you still fell in love with her for some reason when you dated or married her and she is the mother of your child so when you say cruel things about her, it really doesn't cast you in a very good light.  Plus, it makes me think that you don't respect women very much when you call them vulgar and bad names.  Manners, my friend, manners!
  3. Don't talk so much that the only real conversation I have is when the waitress asks me what I want to order for dinner.  Take a breather dude!  The point of the first date is to see if we have chemistry and anything in common.  You can't find that out if you don't let me get in a word edgewise.  And honestly, because you are talking so much, I am secretly planning out what I'll be wearing on my next date with someone else, what I'm having for breakfast in the morning and my grocery list. 
  4. Don't use a coupon.  OK, so you may not agree with this (like my sister) and I'm all for people being frugal and watching their money.  But come on, a first date!  Really?!?  Save that $10 off for a trip with your buddies or your kids.  Oh, and don't tell the waitress "You're killing me" when she tells you that the promotional period doesn't start until 3 more days and you can't use it.  AWKWARD!
  5. Don't go on about the details of your job.  Believe me, I don't want to bore you with the details of my job because I'm the only person that really understands it and my time spent with you is much more important than that.  I really try to separate my work life from home life and although I know it sometimes bleeds over into one another, I don't want my mate to feel the pressures of my job.  But when my face glazes over because you are telling me that "one controller was only allowing 50 access points to join instead of a few hundred" it's because I couldn't be less interested in what you are talking about.  And again, I'm back to adding spaghetti noodles and taco seasoning to my secret grocery list. 
  6. Don't show your date your Tinder app and how you use it.  I don't feel like I need to go into anymore specifics on this but yes...yes girls, this happened!  I really wish I was clever enough to make this stuff up but sadly, I am not.
  7. Don't not tell your date she looks pretty or nice or whatever.  Some compliment...any compliment!  I like your shoes or your dress even!  I mean, you ranted and raved on how incredible my eyes were for the week that we talked before our date and I get nothing when we meet.  Maybe I'm being slightly narcissistic with this but I'm just being honest!
  8. Don't be overly complimentary of your date!  OK, yes I know what I just said in #7 but there's a fine line in telling your date she looks nice or pretty when you first see her vs. telling her 18 times over the course of dinner how beautiful she is and how her pictures don't do her justice.  It makes me think you are trying to figure out the best way to skin me so you can make a suit out of it that you can wear around your house.  "Put the lotion in the basket."
  9. Don't make me wait for you for 20 minutes with no phone call or return text.  My time is valuable and if you don't have the common decency to let me know that you are running late, well then I don't have the common decency to notify you that I'm leaving thus ending our date before it even started.  Oh, and don't think I'll be returning any of your texts or phone calls asking where I am.  Umm...Bye Felicia!
  10. Don't try to make plans for a next date when it is obvious that the date didn't go well.  I appreciate you trying to leave things on a positive note but let's just do a quick pat on the back hug (where I'm trying really hard not to make chest contact) and say "it was nice to meet you" which is the universal dating sign for I'll never see you again and let's move on with our lives--separately.
Oh and this is not something for my list but at the end of the date, if you have to say, "This is probably something that is going to end up on your blog" then you already know things probably should have gone differently...but hey man, thanks for all the good material!  Love ya, don't mean it!
Well, there you have it!  My Top 10 for what NOT to do on a first date!  Girls,  I'm not trying to sugar coat things here and act like I'm the easiest person to get along with but I believe there should be some set rules in place for First Date etiquette.  It's hard enough to go through this process but then to go on a date with a guy who ends up being a total jackhole makes it even worse.   
Hmm, maybe I will write a book about my experiences, Lana? :)  Any title suggestions?


Laura said...

Girlfriend, you are the TAYLOR SWIFT of Blogland!! If Swift can write a song about her ex's, then all power to you for writing a post about your first dates that ended badly! Here, here {with a cosmo in my hand!}!! I'm loving these posts and the coupon thing just KILLED me!! I'm gonna go kiss Mr. Horton and thank the Lord that I'm not having to go through what you're going through. But at least you seem to have an awesome attitude about it! Hang in there! I just know that God has got a good one for you somewhere!

Liz said...

Such good tips! I went on lots of REALLY bad internet dates before I went on a REALLY good one in which I met my husband. It is difficult to pick the worst of the worst but a strong contender would be the guy who spent the entire date taking an inventory of my posessions in case we ended up together--it was like he was going down a check list, at one point he asked if I owned or rented my home and when I told him it was a rental he acted visibly relieved and said that would make things easier once we got serious as he owned and really liked his house. Um, wierdo! Additionally we were meeting for a drink--I had one drink, I don't think a first date is any time to be tipsy and of course I was driving. He had at least 5 drinks in the space of a very short time. To make it worse he became belligerent when I asked if he was driving. Oh, and the final insult? He didn't have enough money so I paid for all six drinks and tip! It is a real testament to my horrible dating history that this is not the definitive "worst" date.

Jenny Morgan said...

I just totally LOL at this! And I'll take the compliment of being Taylor Swift any day of the week--no matter what the capacity! Here, Here my friend! And yes on the coupon--like for reals! And he was noticeably disappointed when the waitress broke the horrible news that it wasn't valid yet--eek! I still believe that you have to kiss a bunch of frogs (in this case, no kissing but it was just as bad) in order to find your Prince! He is out there! And let Mr. Horton know he can thank me in coupons for the extra sugars from you today ;)

Jenny Morgan said...

OH my word Liz!!!! I've had a guy do the inventory thing too but it didn't dawn on my until you said it that that's what he was doing. WHAT?!? LOL! And uh, yes I agree on a not being tipsy---I have a two drink maximum and it sounds like Mr. Lush could have used a coupon from my date in order to pick up the tab ;) Thanks so much for sharing! Great stories--glad your Prince Charming came out of it!

Deena Simair said...

Hahahaha, love this! If only those guys could read this post!

Jenny Morgan said...

I know, right Dee?!? I think I'm going to make a business card with only my blog name on it and hand it out at the end of bad dates letting them know to stay tuned :) That would be great now that I think about it!

Katie Mitchell said...

HHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA....this is HILARIOUS!!!! And seriously....a coupon???!!! I can't even!!!

Sandra Black said...

Even though I have been out of the dating scene for about 20 years, I have nephews and neices on the dating scene..... I feel you have definitely touched on all the important points! :)
You are a fantastic Lady Jenny, your man is out there, looking for you as you are looking for him :)