Thursday, June 4, 2015

Thinking Out Loud Thursday....Understanding the Why?

Hi Girls-

Happy Thursday!  You are almost there---just one more day to go before what I'm sure will be a super fast weekend and Monday will be here again.  How does that happen?!?

Anywhoodle, I am linking up with the amazing Vanessa and Penny for Thinking Out Loud Thursday!  Make sure you link up with them and also check out some of the amazing bloggers that connect with them as well.

So, today my post is going to be a little deep.  I'm just letting you know before you get too far down because if you are looking for my normal, light hearted posts, this is not one of them.  Just skip it and come back tomorrow!  But it's something that I've been struggling with over the last couple of weeks and felt that now was as good a time as any to get it off my chest.

If you are local to the NC area, you probably heard about the devastating news that surrounded this beautiful family.  If not, Gentry (a worship leader at a nearby Charlotte, NC church that many of my friends attend) & his beautiful wife Hadley Eddings lost their two year old son in a tragic vehicle accident last week.   Then a couple of days later, they also lost their newborn child that had to be delivered via C-section because of the accident.  This is a beautiful picture of their family.

I can't even begin to imagine their pain and how lost they must feel.  I don't pretend to understand what they are going through or what I would say to them if I ever met them.  I have prayed for them for peace and to feel that the Lord is wrapping His arms around them.  My heart grieves for them even though I am not a momma myself.  I ache and find myself asking the question, "Why?"  Why do bad things happen to good people?  And in a completely selfish way, I ask "Why would God choose to take a beautiful 2 year old baby boy and his newborn brother away from such Godly people who love Him with all that they are when there are horrible people who do bad things everyday?" 

And then I look at all the devastation going around the world with the horrible floods in Texas and the earthquakes in Nepal or even as close to home as a friend of mine whose sweet young granddaughter has been battling cancer for many years or a former classmate who lost her battle with breast cancer last week leaving behind a 13 and a 9 year old.  It all seems unfathomable for me.  It's hard to make sense out of situations like this.  It's hard to understand why these things happen.  Why would my loving God choose to let this happen to people? 

I've talked about it before on here but I was 17 when my daddy passed away and 8 short months later, my mother passed away.  It was unfair.  Even as I type this, I feel myself tense up and tears fill my eyes because life isn't supposed to happen that way.  Why would God take two people who had completely given their lives over to Him and lived their life according to how he told them in the Bible leaving two girls left in a world by themselves?  I was angry with God and to be completely honest, sometimes I still am.  I'm sometimes angry that I can't share certain moments with my momma or have her hold my hand when I am sick.  I'm sometimes angry that my daddy wasn't able to walk my sister down the aisle or that when I get married he won't be there for that either.  I'm sometimes angry that all the memories that we were supposed to happen won't happen because God took them.  And because of all these recent tragedies, these feelings come rushing back as if I were still in the midst of 1996 when my world seemed like it was ending.  I didn't know if I would make it out of that first day, that first moment, that first step---if I would ever be able to breathe again.

This weekend, I was reminded several times of who God is and what a role he plays in my life.  We talked a lot about this with my Life Group gals on Saturday in finishing up our book study of 24 Hours that Changed the World by Adam Hamilton.  As a side bar, it is an incredible read and I strongly encourage it if you are interested.  Anyway, as if I needed more confirmation, during our message at church on Sunday, we started delving more into a series called "I Am Not".  I copied this straight from my church's FB page because I didn't want to leave anything out.

Ever feel insignificant? Unimportant? Unqualified to accomplish anything that will make a real difference in the world? You're not alone.

But the truth is, there is a unique freedom and purpose that is unleashed in our lives when we begin to EMBRACE our “smallness” in light of God’s greatness. All of our insufficiencies and shortcomings begin to pale in comparison to the overcoming power of the one we've been granted a direct connection with.

I am not…but GOD knows my name.
I am not…but HE has pursued me in His love.
I am not…but I know the Creator of the universe.
I am not, but I know I AM!

In this all new series from Hope City Church, we'll begin to discover the unique meaning, purpose, and significance that's been extended to our seemingly insignificant lives, and together, we'll walk away encouraged and empowered knowing that while WE may not be strong enough, smart enough, powerful enough, talented enough...HE IS...and that's enough.
Whether you believe any of this or not, HE still believes in you!

Anyway, Sunday's message was this "Where is "I AM" when life falls apart?"  Wow, that's some heavy stuff and I know it's something that not only non-believers struggle with.  I, myself, as a believer, obviously have felt this way as well--especially in light of my own personal tragedies and most recently with all of the horrible things that have been occurring recently around the world.  Having hope is the only way that we can get through tragedies in life.  Having hope is the only way that we can understand that we can make it through another day even when we feel like we can't breathe.  Having hope and believing that God is there and knows us and believing that one day He will make right all that's been wronged.  I believe it's very easy to say this---for me, it's a lot harder to believe it, although I know it to be 100% true. 

Hebrew 6:19 says "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."  After seeing the beautiful picture above of the Eddings family hundreds of times on the news last week, our pastor read this verse and than pulled back up this picture on the screen.  Dobb's shirt, that precious 2 year old, who was taken from this beautiful family, has anchors all over this shirt.  There is hope!  These parents laid their two beautiful boys to rest this past weekend.  Their entire congregation celebrated these sweet babies lives and their parents said they forgive the driver and encouraged others to do the same.  Gentry & Hadley referenced the 46th Psalm during the service "Be Still.  And know that I am God".  This was the local paper's article about them this past weekend--see it here.  How incredibly difficult to go through this tragedy but their Hope is overwhelmingly admiring to me!  I don't know if I could be that way and that saddens me to say that because it makes me painfully aware that my faith is not where I think I could see past such horribleness. 

I'm so glad I serve a forgiving Lord who loves me as I am.  And I'm so glad that he says "I Am" when I say I'm not.  I will continue to pray for the Eddings family as well as all those others who are going through such hardships and personal tragedies. Also, if you are interested in hearing the messages in this series, check it out here.

OK y'all, I know that was some heavy stuff but again, it has been weighing on me and I created this blog to document all the things that were going on in this crazy mind of mine.   It can't be rainbows and unicorns all the time!

Come back tomorrow where I'll be showing y'all my Favorites of the week---I've got some good products to show that I am absolutely loving right now!


dsimair said...

Beautiful post!

Megan said...

such a good post...will be adding this family to my daily prayer list!!

Kimm said...

I love this post. I was sick when I heard of that horrible crash and the loss that young family had to go through. Their church is right here in my backyard and it just hit home hard. We all must live our lives but it's tragedy like this that really show us that tomorrow isn't a guarantee, and we must live each day making sure everyone around us knows how special they are to us. While my mother in law was fighting lung cancer, she will be gone 3 years this July, she would constantly say "live for today, hope for tomorrow" and that's all we can do!

Sandra Black said...

Thank you for sharing your tender side, your heartfelt side and your pain <3 I am so sorry for your loss of your parents at such a young age :( I know first hand the anger (directed and misdirected) that comes with the loss of a parent and the loss of family/friends to tragedy and my heart goes out to you <3