Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Let's Talk Tuesday...Ten Thoughts On What NOT To Put On Your Dating Profile!

Hey Girls-

Happy Tuesday!  I am certain y'all have been anxiously awaiting to hear how all my crazy dating has been going over the last month.  Well, I'm happy to report that it's all sucked!!!  LOL!  OK, so maybe I'm not happy to report that all the dates were bad but it's given me such material to share with you ladies.  To keep y'all in the loop, I have decided to take another sabbatical from the dating world.  I don't know of the length of time yet that I'll be postponing the crazy shenanigans known as my love life but I've been feeling this way for awhile and just started a new book that has really caused me to reevaluate some thoughts internally (more on that later).  But let's get off all the deep love crap and get to the good part of this post. 

If you are new to this blog, I am a 30 something gal who is navigating her way through the fun art of online dating.  I've only been doing it since May but this isn't my first rodeo as I've done it several times during my past.  Obviously, Prince Charming hasn't found his way to my door yet which is why I am still spending time and money searching for "The One".  At this point, I kind of consider myself a dating expert---sad to say but I think is so, so true.  I feel as though I have a pretty good profile on Match.com which is a combination of honesty, wittiness, a bit of sass and Southern sweetness.  All of my pictures are current and I believe shows all my potential suitors that I am serious about finding love. With all that being said, I am here to give the fellas a little tutorial that I am calling Dating Profile 101.  Ladies, if you have any guy friends that are looking for love and are using online dating as their avenue, please feel free to direct them to this post.  Also, if your guy friends live within 2 hours of the Charlotte region hook a sista up :)

Alright, let's get into it...here are my thoughts for what NOT to put on your dating profile.
  1. DON'T elude to the fact that you may have a foot fetish.  "Sorry but I love little pretty feet, so I might kiss em".  What?!?  Is that before or after you cut a locket of my hair or save my toe nail clippings?  Listen, I appreciate that people have different things they like but there's a time to share and this, my friends, is not the time. Plus, I hate feet---like really loathe them.  I don't like touching people's feet and I hate having mine touched (other than my pedicurist).   Whew, did I just throw out a foot festish as #1.  Wowza, ladies, stay with me.  I promise, the rest are just as good.
  2. While I appreciate the fact that you work out and I'm kind of digging your tattoos because I think they are sexy, who wears jeans to the gym?  DON'T post workout photos in jeans!  I mean, you don't have any gym shorts in your meathead truck that has big wheels on it which I'm certain you drive after seeing this picture.  Come on...need I say anything else here?
  3. OK, follow me on this for a minute!  I want to be happy for this guy here that he found love BUT, what this picture is not showing is that this guy was currently "online" which means that he was actually on this site at the time that I was looking for my potential match.  Perhaps I am reading too much into this but if you are getting married in October, DON'T stay on the site and go ahead and cancel your subscription my friend. 
  4. If your profile says "Divorced", be divorced.  DON'T be 11 months separated and I'm getting ready to sign the papers next week.  That means you are still married.  I know this may just seem like semantics to some people but I make a point of not pursuing men that have "Currently Separated" in their profile because I just don't feel that these men are ready or will be ready for the type of relationship that I am looking for.  Just for the record, I went out with this guy which is how I found out he wasn't divorced "quite" just yet.
  5. DON'T post pictures of yourself with other women.  Is it your sister?  Is it your past girlfriend?  Is it your best friend?  I mean, take a picture of yourself by yourself!  This isn't hard.  And for the love of all things glitter, don't post a photo where the girl is cut out but you can still see a partial head tilt on your shoulder or her hand around your waist.  Have some common sense!
  6. For the most part, this guy's profile is not so bad.  Now what I'm going to say is specific to me and I'll explain myself.  For some reason, almost every guy's profile has something about "I can hang out in the club or chill at home" or "I like long walks on the beach" and 9 times out of 10 they almost always say they love to "cuddle on the couch".  Although I love doing this, a part of my body cringes when I read this.  Again, these are only my opinions, so DON'T do it. 

  7. OK, this profile literally made me LOL!  I love his honesty and totally feel the same way sometimes but bringing negativity right off the bat is not only a major DON'T but it's also a major turn off.  He may have been attempting to be funny but I just couldn't get past it.

  8. All I can say for this profile is "Bless his heart".  He obviously screams "I am ready for a relationship."  If you're not ready, please DON'T go online! 

  9. Spelling is huge for me---huge!!!  You're/Your/Their/There/They're/Weather/Whether---the list just goes on and on.  I try very hard not to pass on a guy simply because they can't spell but y'all I just can't handle it.  Read this guy's "P.S".  Believe me honey, I am certainly not judging you because you may have a few pics where you are holding a cigarette.  However, I am judging you because you DON'T know how to spell "cigarette".  Bless his heart!

  10. I really want to respect this profile's honesty BUT I fully believe too much honesty, in this case, and a whole bunch of misspelled words will seal this guy's fate long before he's even asking a gal for coffee.
Alright my married blogger friends, have I reminded you yet again how lucky you are to have your special guy and that you don't have to sort through 100's of these profiles?  Good, now go give him a big kiss and ask if he has any friends in the NC region.  Totally kidding but for reals y'all, I just can't make these things up!  I certainly don't want to come across as a bitter gal because I'm really not as I know this is part of the process.   I'm not hating on these guys and I certainly don't have a case of "peanut butter and jealous" but I'm just trying to give some non-critical advice to the male species who are searching for quality gals like myself. 

Y'all, this was fun!  Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did because I got a good laugh reading these screen shots again.  Have a super fab Tuesday!